Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

I know, I know - many of you anxiously awaited the next story of hilarity, calamity and absurdity (aka H.C.A.) regarding my dental woes. Yet, when I arrived home, I just didn't want to spend 30 minutes typing out a hilarious review of my ROOT CANAL. I felt just fine, which I describe in further detail, but I wanted to take a nap, so I did.

The morning began with my excitement of going to the dentist. No seriously, I was excited. Stupid perhaps, but excited nonetheless. Several had told me horror stories of root canal experiences, but thankfully, Brother Jeff Zimmerman gave me some good comfort about it. I actually wasn't very nervous anyway, but it is nice to receive reassurance.

I arrived for my 9 AM appointment right on time, I had a big smile on my face and they looked at me as though I might need to be placed in an asylum. They said I was the only patient they had that comes in with a bounce in his step and smile on his face. But what can I say? I am a happy guy. (Most of the time.)

Then the Doc came out and said, "Let's get started!" So get started we did, boy did he waste no time.

I got in the chair, he gave the swab of anaesthesia, then about 10,000 shots, and while I don't enjoy them, they weren't too bad. Plus I know if I don't get them, the real pain will follow afterwards.

Then that nice nurse Terri put the nitrous oxide on, and boy did I like that again. Once more, I felt as though I were floating away, I opened wide and let the Doc do his thing.

He strapped some kind of bands around the two teeth. Oh, by the way - I like this dentist a lot, a whole lot. Yet he could communicate a little better. Two weeks ago, I thought I was having one tooth removed, no - it was two. Today, I thought it was one root canal - BIG MISTAKE, it was TWO.

So he straps on some bands, then places some plastic thing which isolates the area, and allows me still to breathe and swallow just fine.

The next two hours (yes, TWO HOURS) are a bit of a blur, especially since I couldn't see what they were doing. All I could see was this dentist with funny goggles on looking over me - so I decided to close my eyes and try to sleep.

As I was dozing - I heard that familiar buzz, yes, you know it too - the drill! The poor Doc wasted several $'s worth of bits, I know he broke at least two. One got stuck down in the tooth!!! The nurse asked if he could get it, and he said "I don't know." So I am left thinking I'll walk around the rest of my days with a drill bit in my mouth.

Then, as he's digging for his drill bit, she exclaims "the gas is almost gone - I've got to get another bottle!" I was thinking, "YES, FORGET THE BITS, MORE GAS PLEASE, MORE GAS. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL WHAT'S COMING!!!" Of course I can only think this, because there's no way to talk. (Sidebar: I used to have a dentist that liked to have conversations with his patients while working on them, a huge annoyance because you can't effectively answer questions while your getting a filling.)

So the Doc loses drill bits, I'm thinking I'll offer him my Bosch drill with some 1/4" heavy duty metal bits, and perhaps they won't break again!

I hear him taking measurements of the length of nerves and depth of canals. Then I hear him talking about their removal - and then he said, "let's irrigate." Now, I'm a west Texas boy where irrigating* means watering the cotton fields. (*In that post on Stremmed Out, you'll see the type of irrigation systems I'm talking about.)

So, my canals got irrigated. They should be well watered, and hopefully now in good shape. Then, after he finished that - they started mixing up the amalgam (sp?) and glopped that on my teeth. They're waiting to do some other work before they put the crowns on.

When I get finished, I'll resemble the Panama Canal, with a nice bridge with a bunch of "kingly crowns put on."

So he wrapped up - and asked me to stand up. Last time, I was on the gas about 30 minutes - no big deal. This time, 2 hours. So, when I stood up, I took a bow. Not intentionally, you see the Doc should've taken the bow, he did the work!

I had to wait a few before I could drive home as I was a bit woozy. But thankfully I've had no pain, and just a bit of sensitivity yesterday. Today, it's all good.

For those who wrote or called wanting a blog post - I am so sorry you worried - but you know, I just didn't feel like it. I felt good, just not like blogging. And so I know you anxiously awaited the arrival of a H.C.A. post, but you'll just have to G.O.I. Perhaps some of you will remember what GOI means? Leave me a response if you do!

More dental fun occurs next Thursday at 10:00 AM. Fun, fun! I can't hardly wait.